i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
