whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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