Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
