I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
