so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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