hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
