Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
