Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
