these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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