they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
