dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
