we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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