Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
