u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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