This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Panties = found
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize