We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
