Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
