Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
