DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
