well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
