New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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