i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
