just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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