Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
