I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
