sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
