Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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