I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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