Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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