My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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