I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
