I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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