sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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