I wanna passion pit in your ass
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
