Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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