Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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