my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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