i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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