U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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