1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
