Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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