was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She bit a glass in half.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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