Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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