JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
