Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
