Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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