Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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