remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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