Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
