My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
