if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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