Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize