The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
