why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
