that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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