What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize