I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
