I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
