I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize