I wish life had little blips of pornography
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Mom said you looked used
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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