I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
