I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
