Its about making memories worth repressing
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
