I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
