My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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