i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
