I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I won the penis lottery.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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