so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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