I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize