Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
