Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
