Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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