Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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