do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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