do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
