smell my finger.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
