When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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