Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
