i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
