Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
