life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
