youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
