Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
cat food counts as protein by the way
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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