I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
