i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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