Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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