That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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