so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
