it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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