I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
