Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize