I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
