; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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