recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
